Missing
by For the love of writing
Summary: This story takes place in the book new moon. There's a party, a paper cut and a big problem, which ends up leaving Bella not only heart broken and alone but also pregnant. Rated M for future lemons. J/B E/B
1. Preface

Preface-

The entire world had been replaced with red. My unfocused eyes burned with angry tears as blood dripped down my lips, fingers , legs, and really anywhere the rocks, tree branches and other varies sharp objects had grabbed at me while I ran, covering the forest floor in pain and grief. The scent of flowers, trees, air had been replaced with iron and salt; it burned my nose as I gasped for air. I knew I was going to die, I had known for almost a month now. Even with all the much more important things the thought of Edward became an unavoidable nuisance in my mind, it attached itself to every thought like a parasite. I need to keep breathing, where's Edward? I have to stop screaming, does he know I'm gone? I need to eat, why can't I find him? I pushed them away; I had to hold on to the only important thoughts. Who will take care of him when I'm gone? Will anyone find him? Will he even know I existed? The child in my stomach twitched his body as if response. The scream shot from my lips before I could command it other wise. My child, our child, was going to be born in the woods, be born alone unknown by the world, his father and anyone who would care.


	2. Birthday Parties

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter one- Birthday parties

The morning of my eighteenth birthday the sun was shining, the birds were singing and the warmth covering the small town of forks could be felt even before I opened my eyes to greet this unwanted day. Didn't the world know it was not a day for celebration? Why would it choose today be give me warmth and sun? I burrowed deeper in my sheets mentally cursing my age. I was now a year older then Edward. A year he argued meant nothing, which I guess he had said to make me feel better; of course I had burst into tears at his loving words. One year would turn to two, two would slip into three and before you knew it Edward my unageing true love would be wheeling me around my elderly care facility and spoon feeding me blended beets.

I kicked the covers off with more force then was really necessary; the sheets protested my temper tantrum by tangling themselves around my ankles. I gave up and fell back onto my pillows in defeat. Great now I was too old to win a fight against my bed sheets. I was more then happy to spend the rest of this miserable day wallowing in self pity until I heard a soft tap on the front door.

"Crap." I cursed venomously under my breath. I swear I could almost hear him chuckle.

I scrambled to free my self, promising the sheets a rematch later, and ran to throw on a pair of old jean with strategy placed rips and tears scattered along the legs that I had been saving for a warm day and grabbed the blue blouse Alice had informed me was Edwards favorite. After trying to tie up my sneakers too quickly and ending up with knots I had to take a deep breath and focus less on the breath taking example of perfection that waited for me downs stairs and more on the laces in my hands.

I grabbed my backpack from the desk chair and wondered briefly in Charlie would mind if I slid down the banister, it was my birthday after all and it might save me from the inevitable fall I would endure trying to get to Edward faster, but before my fingers touched the silver door knob of my room Charlie burst in and nearly knocked me to the floor.

"Sorry Bell's. Are you in a hurry?" Charlie asked as he caught my arm and balanced me.

"Oh hi dad, no not really I guess. What's up?" I said as cheerfully as could be expected as I tried my best not to glace at the open door behind him.

"Well, um, you know.." Charlie shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other before bringing his left hand from behind his back and revealing the hidden gifts wrapped in sparkly pink paper. "Happy birthday Isabella."

"Thanks dad." I smiled; he gave me an awkward one armed hug, then turned and closed the door behind him.

Before I could shift one of the glitter covered gifts in my arms to open the other Charlie opened the door again.

"I think someone might be at the door Bella." He still refused to say Edwards's name. Instead he was now someone, that guy, him or Edwards's favorite that good for nothing trouble maker, the one I had never heard but Edward assures me is whispered under charles breath more or less every time he visits.

I tossed the gifts into my open backpack and ran down the stairs two at a time and of course tripping on the last one which landed me right into Edwards open arms. I'd have to remember to thank that stair later. I straightened myself and looked up to see his perfect crocked smile. Of course I couldn't think of one thing about Edward that wasn't perfect. Even the fact he didn't think he was perfect was, well, perfect.

"Hi." I whispered as the blush spread quickly over my cheeks, partly because I was once again grateful he couldn't hear me and partly because one of his hands had caught me a little lower on my body then his rules really allowed. I jumped slightly as the front door closed behind him. He took that moment to shift his hand in a respectable position above my waist. I tired to hide my look of disappointment.

"How'd you know?" I asked nodding towards the stair.

"I heard your race and figured with your track record you might need some cushioning at the bottom." His arms hadn't moved from their protective positions on my lower back. He leaned in so his marble lips were only half an inch from my ear and tightened his arms into a hug.

"Happy birthday Bella." His breath was warm and sweet as it swept over my neck, I leaned helplessly into his chest as he kissed my bright red blush consumed cheek.

"Don't remind me." I grumbled. He took my hand and I shouted a quick goodbye to Charlie who stuck his head out of the kitchen long enough to say goodbye to me and mutter something under his breath to Edward, who as always simply smiled and nodded his farewell.

As soon as he closed the driver side of the Volvo and backed out of Charlie's driveway Edward laughed.

"What?" I asked curious what he found amusing in our comfortable silence.

"Today I'm too nice." His answer was followed by another chuckle.

"Huh." Was my intelligent answer.

"Charlie was just thinking that I'm too nice and when guys are overly nice that means they only want one thing." Edwards face was comically serious when he said the last part.

"Oh Charlie." I sighed shaking my head. I knew my father had only the best intentions, but with a mind reading boyfriend his overprotective thoughts were starting to get embarrassing.

"He really loves you, you know." Edward was watching me instead of the road again. His eyes were black edged and without realizing it my hand made it's way to stroke the delicate skin under his eye. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into my hand he whispered, "He's not the only one."

Deep breaths, deep breaths, my mind tried to locate it's way out of the velvet hurricane his words had whipped up in my head. When my eyes could focus again, I turned in time to see him hand me a large brown grocery bag. He placed it on my lap then turned his suddenly guilty face back to the road as we pulled into the forks high school parking lot. He parked and turned off the engine so he could turn and explain.

"Sorry love, I could talk her out of it. You don't have to eat it all obviously. She wanted to do something special for your birth…" I flashed him a glare before scanning the almost empty school parking lot to be sure no one had heard. "Something special for your lunch." He finished coolly.

I started empting the contents of the overflowing brown bag unto my lap. Soon my lap was covered in varying sized zip lock bags and Tupperware containers, even then the bag wasn't even half empty.

"Esme." We both said at the same time. He helped me place the containers of baked fish, brownies with multi-colored sprinkles, hoagies, turkey legs, mashed potatoes and a caser salad big enough to last me half a year back into the bag so everything would fit right. I made a mental note to check the rest of the contents later and make of list of the foods to thank her for. I kept out the bag of trail mix and ate a quick handful before Edward helped me out the car.

"Be sure to thank jasper too." Edward nodded in the direction I assumed Jasper and Alice would appear soon. "Esme had him run to the store every hour on the hour since midnight last night."

"It wasn't so bad until she decided we needed fresh salmon. Do you know how hard it is to get fresh fish at four in the morning?" Jasper spoke behind me, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. Edward laughed along with jasper and Alice; he patted my hand until I caught my breath.

Alice took my hands from Edward and pulled me into a tight hug, my lungs emptied in a loud whoosh as she squeezed even harder in her excitement.

"Happy birthday Bella!" She dropped my hands and hopped around like a four year old clapping her hands.

"Are you excited?" Alice took jaspers hand in one her tiny hands then grabbed one of mine with the other. She started pulling us towards the front door of the high school. W were nearly there before she turned and asked again.

"Excited? Not at all, I never really liked birthdays and this year seems even less celebration worthy" She froze, Jasper seemed to know her actions the same moment she did and stopped almost the same second. I had my eyes glued to Edward and remained unaware of Alice's pause until my arm was nearly jerked out of the socket. Alice glared daggers at Edward who merely sighed.

"Really Edward? You've had a week." Jasper chuckled. I was starting to wonder about the usually gloomy Jaspers sudden good mood.

"I just never found the right time." He grumbled.

"What's going on?" I asked, truly concerned. Edward and I had a wonderful relationship, better then I thought possible, one that you'd usually only find in story books with golden haired princess and frogs with baggage. We didn't have any secrets from each other. So when Edward was keeping something from me I knew it must be bad bordering on nuclear.

"Bella," Alice began using her sweet convincing voice. I could almost hear the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight up in fear. "Tonight after school, you and Edward are going to come to a little party at our house."

"A party?" I choked. Yeah, nuclear.

"Bella, don't do that face. It will be great, I've seen it." She gave me a quick wink and with that Alice and Jasper skipped away, well Alice skipped, Jasper did more of a quick walk to keep pace, leaving me too stunned to chase after them. Darn sly pixy.

With Alice and Jasper gone, I turned my fury on the only left.

"Edward?" I seethed.

He had his hands in the air palms out; he backed away slowly with real fear in his eyes.

"Bella Love? I swear I tried. She was relentless." His honey eyes pleaded his words were true. I sighed, there was no fighting it. What Alice wanted, Alice got.

I pushed Edward's arms father apart and sunk into his chest. He remained frozen, hands still out. I couldn't help but laugh despite the situation. I think he is the only vampire who was genuinely terrified of a one hundred and ten pound human.

"You'll with stay with me?" I wondered if he heard the double meaning in the question. His hands crossed tightly against my back, pulling me impossibly closer.

"Forever." His words were gentle and conquered by the sincerity of his love, but I could hear the force behind them. I sighed in annoyance as the warning bell blasted from the schools ancient speakers.

We walked to my first class in silence. Edward gave me a playful shove to the door after a far too intimate kiss for our surrounding and his iron clad limits. Just before the door swung shut, Edward called "Who knows, it might be fun."

* * *

Oh poor sweet optimistic Edward. Well here ya'll go, the first chapter. Soooo? What'da think? Let me know!!!! I'll try to post soon.


	3. When birthdays become birthnights

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter two- When birthdays become birthnights.

School dragged by at an agonizing pace. My eyes nearly burned a hole in every clock the school owned while silently cursing the people who decided an hour should consist of sixty minutes and not four and a half, at the same time trying to remember which countries frowned on celebrating birthdays and if Charlie might like any of them.

At lunch Alice retrieved my Esme bag lunch from its hiding place in the schools fridge. I ate my fried chicken and listened to Alice gush about the party. Edward tried his best to keep me calm by rubbing little circles in my back with his thumb, it was working just fine until Alice got to the part about the table of gifts she and Esme had spent a week gathering. After I coughed up the bit of chicken, jasper suggested we pick a new topic seeing as my anxiety, fear, nervousness and all around teen angst was becoming too much for him to keep control over.

Alice just shrugged and switched the topic to shopping. Jasper had promised her a shopping trip to Japan and she was not so casually hinting that I should come along.

"Alice, I waved the white flag on the whole birthday party thing, but really that's where I have to draw the line. I'm not a big birthday or gifts person." I smiled, hoping Alice wouldn't be too disappointed. Alice, jasper and Edward all turned stiff and stared at me with wide horror filled eyes. I looked anxiously at each of them trying to think of what I had said.

"Um, Hi Bella." Mike sounded behind me. Oh for the love of all things covered in chocolate, please don't tell me he heard that. I turned slowly hoping my hearing was off and mike was really down the hall and outside talking to me through a very reliable megaphone.

No luck he was only a foot or two from me, his puppy dog smile was normal mike, big and full of hidden meaning, I wonder of he meant for me to see his not so subtle glare at Edward.

"Hi mike." I wanted to elbow Edward, who was chucking at my overly cheerful greeting.

"I was just wondering if you had the notes for yesterday's biology class."

My smile grew to a real one and I sighed in relief, maybe my luck was improving.

"Sure." I handed him the notes, wondering if the little doodles of Edwards name all around the edges of the paper would finally give him the hint. I turned around as he did and was beginning to not hate the day so much when I heard him call loud enough for the entire cafeteria and most of Washington to hear "Oh by the way, happy birthday Bella."

I covered my flushed cheeks with my hands, only to drop my hands to the table so I could glare at the vampires clutching their sides in laughter.

When Edward was walking me to my last class of the day as much as I hated to admit it the thought of celebrating my birthday with my new family was no longer a comparison to finger nails on a chalk board or taking a bite of your apple and finding half a worm. I was still angry at myself and at the unaware mike for announcing my birthday to the school, but with Edward by my side staring down everyone I hadn't had a single birthday well wisher, except for Ben and Angelina, but who could blame him? Angelina and Ben were honestly nice people and they truly meant well, no hidden meaning to anything they did or said. They had caught us on the way out of the caf., ange gave me a quick hug and Ben lightly punched my shoulder. I smiled at the memory.

"Have you joined the dark side? We have cake." Edward asked me when he caught my smile.

"What flavor cake?" He chuckled and kissed my hand as he led me to the door of the gym.

I groaned and dropped my head against his muscle covered chest. I had completely forgotten about gym. Okay, I officially hated this day.

"You wanna get out of here?" I looked up into the melted honey eyes, his tone was confusing. He sounded caring, protective, but also nervous. I had never known Edward to be nervous. I gasped as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He actually fidgeted! Oh whatever was making this indestructible god among men nervous I had to see!

What does Edward have planned?!? Sorry the chapter is so light, I have been neglecting it. I got started on an idea for a later chapter than that chapter took off and I have like four chapters down for much later in the story. Trust me though it's worth it!! Okay, please comment or ask any questions you might have! Remember comments make Edward smile! And happy valentines!


	4. A little more then kissing

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter three- A little more then kissing

When we reached Edwards car I was somewhere between giddy and terrified. Edward hadn't said a word since asking me if I wanted to leave. He only glanced at me while we walked when he didn't think I could see it. As he opened the door I stood on the frame of the car and surprised him with a kiss. I had only meant it to have been a light peck on the lips but before I could pull away he dug his hands into my hair and pulled me into a deep passion drenched kiss. He opened his mouth against mine and I could taste his breath through my parted lips. I gripped the door frame tighter, I mentally screamed at my knees not to buckle and pull me from this kiss. He moved one hand around my waist and pulled my body to melt into his. When he finally released my lips I was panting, my body shook under his gentle touch, my breath refused to enter my lungs in anything more then sharp raspy gasps. I tried to read his eyes but he turned away looking towards the school.

I grumbled lightheartedly about his new do as I say not I do attitude. He waited until he heard me buckle my seat belt then shut the door and made his way to the driver's side.

After the car had left the school parking lot we rode in silence, not uncomfortable just different. I wanted to ask him where we were going, what that kiss was about, not that I minded of course, but mostly why he was driving the speed limit. I had just enough courage to ask the question when I shifted in my seat knocking over my back pack.

The zipper hadn't been closed all the way in our hurry to escape and when it fell the gifts tumbled out on the floor. I gathered up the two gifts wrapped in the shiny pink paper only to find three more gifts under them. One was square and small in size, it was wrapped in plain brown paper, the other two were tied together as if they were a set. The larger of the two was wrapped in delicate white and blue swirled paper. It was so lovely I hated the thought of opening it. The last gift was palm sized, it was an unwrapped black jewelry box held firmly to the blue paper with doubled sided tape and white lace ribbon.

I glared at Edward who was looking at the gifts with true surprise. I searched deeper into my bag and found a small pink envelope with my name written in perfect cursive. I tore the envelope to find a card made of thick pink material, on the front was a picture Carlisle had taken one of the many nights I had eaten at Edward's house. It was a picture of me asleep on the couch sandwiched between Alice and Edward. Emmett and rose sat by Alice's feet and jasper leaned on Alice's shoulder as he sat on the couch's large arm.

I smiled at the picture, the look on Edwards face was so full of love as I slept on his shoulder that I didn't mind the fact Emmett had grabbed my ankle just as Carlisle took the picture and was pretending to take a bite. I laughed at the memory of waking up to the sounds of Edward, Alice and Esme smacking Emmett around the room.

I opened the card and felt the tears rush to my eyes as I read Alice's neat script.

'Dearest Bella,

You will never know how much you mean to us, not just Edward, but each of us. You have changed each of us in some way. Your love and complete expectance was unexpected to say the least, but now that we have you in our lives we can't see the future without you.

All the love we have,

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, and rose.'

The tears ran down my cheeks when I saw that each Cullen had signed their names to the card, even rose.

I stacked the five gifts on my lap and made quick work on the paper. The gifts from Charlie were sweet, but obviously not something he thought of by himself. A digital camera and a large pink leather photo album with my full name branded to the front. I would have to remember the thank Renee later.

Alice's gifts were just too Alice that I laughed at myself for expecting anything less. The large package was a blue silk dress, I held it to my chest and let it drape down my body. I heard Edward's breath catch in his throat so I hastily folded the dress and shoved it in my bag. I have a feeling Edward wasn't supposed to see that.

The jewelry box held a small oval blue diamond necklace held onto a thin silver chain by a silver clasp covered in tiny square cut white diamonds. It was breath taking; I would have to force the price lecture to Alice later. I loved the necklace, but if you give Alice an inch she'll take a mile and fill it with cars, dresses and thousand dollar shoes. I shuttered at the thought.

The plain wrapped gift was different and I was beginning to wonder if it was even from Alice until I opened the obviously antique leather bond book to find an inscription:

To my sweet Alice,

In this world there are two extremes, good and evil. Without good there could only be evil and without evil we could never know true goodness. They are each others balance, the one needs the other to thrive and be complete. The same can be said for events in one's own life, good days will balance themselves with the bad. For each day you can not prevent your smile from claiming your lovely features there will be days when the tears flow from your honey eyes with force. Each life, my dear Alice is an unending struggle for balance. For you I wish the scales to tip in favor of the good.

Yours in friendship always,

Todd Mischcian.

I knew even before I read the first sentence of the book, that the authors note would mean more to me then all the other words in this book and I knew that Alice understood what I saw in his words. Edward, as he saw it anyway, and I were too extremes. I was the good and he, only in his mind of course, was this cape wearing evil bent on ripping me from all the happiness I'd ever know to create his own. Why couldn't he understand that he was my balance, he was what kept the bad days from overwhelming the good. Every time he caught me as I fell he would check to make sure his grip hadn't left a bruise instead of acknowledging the fact that he had just saved me from a fall down a six floor flight of stairs or the varies other never ending daily threats on my life.

I pressed the book to my chest, breathing heavily as the mixture of happy and sad tears ran down my check. I would have to thank Alice for this later; I couldn't even be annoyed at the thought that the thank you would most likely take place in a malls dressing room. I opened the book again to run my fingers over the browning cover page with the inscription, the words were faded; the black ink had taken on a lighter shade of gray. I flipped the book over and checked the print date; it was it was a first edition printed in 1942.

I was pulled away from my newly found second love when my first love cleared his throat. I looked up shocked to see we were already in parked in my drive way with the engine off. I blushed and stuffed the remaining gifts in my backpack. I decided to carry the book with me; I don't think I would ever be able to put it down.

I shifted my bag on to my shoulder then reached for the door handle. I looked up surprised to find empty air. I laughed when I saw Edward with the door open for me. Would I ever get used to vampire speed chivalry? After I had stepped out of his Volvo and he had closed the door he took my hand and lead me up the steps to the front door.

I was lost in the weathered binding of Alice's gift. I pressed the book to my nose and took a deep breath. The leather smelled faintly of rain, tobacco and dust, it was relaxing and such an intoxicating scent I was lost again in the quite beauty.

"Bella I am starting to wonder if I need to challenge that book to a duel. I never thought I could be so jealous of a stack of paper before." His voice was low and husky, when I met his eyes they were pitch black and hooded with overwhelming lust. My jaw fell open, my arms feel limp at my sides and I groaned loudly as he eagerly gathered me into his arms bridle style. He tossed my bag blindly over his shoulder, I gasped when the bag landed on the coat hanger next to the front door. He took my book from me, pulling a little harder then necessary, but seeing as I held it will every once of strength I guess it was understandable.

"Don't worry, I would never do anything to come between the two of you." He laughed and placed the book gently on the stairs railing. Hamming it up a bit as he pointed to his eyes then back to the book, warning the book he was watching it.

"I'll be back later." I whispered leaning over Edwards arm to wave teasingly sad as he started to climb the stairs. I giggled as he growled.

"Keep that up and that book might trip and fall into a fire place somewhere." I laughed along with his husky chuckle, but when I met his eyes the laughter stopped. His eyes were filled with such intensity my stomach muscles tensed with an unidentifiable emotion.

He climbed the stairs at an agonizing human pace, he never broke eye contact and with each stair it seemed the intensity of his emotions grew.

"Your jealous of my book?" I squeaked and buried my crimson cheeks in his chest.

"Of course." He sounded surprised that I even had to ask.

"Bella, I'm jealous of the wind when it blows through your lovely hair. I'm envious of the jeans that are allowed to hug your stunning form. I envy each drop of rain that caresses your perfect cheeks. The only reason I don't fight every man who glances in your direction is because I know it would upset you. So how could you, my Bella, be surprised by the fact that I am jealous that that book gets to touch your ruby lips and receives such attention from you?" His voice was tight with emotion, each word rung in my ears as blissful tears pooled at the corners of my eyes.

I was speechless; I felt like a fool, my mouth was wide and gapping. I would never understand how he could love me and so deeply. In my silence he had stopped at the top stair. He gripped my chin lightly, pulling me out of my thoughts so he could ravage my lips with a kiss so full of his love I worried my heart would stop with the overwhelming force of it all at once.

"Bella?" The concerned worry was back in his tone, it was then I remembered he was the one that had wanted to leave, which he always protested against when I half joked about leaving early to make out. I had never really said the make out part, I just always felt it was implied anytime I was alone with him. Now it was an hour before school let out, three hours before Charlie got off work and four until the party. He seemed to be fighting some metal battle; his eyes were tight with thought. I opened my mouth to ask but before I could speak a full syllable his lips were on mine again.

I closed my eyes and let the love fill me with its warmth. When he finally released me to breathe I was lying with my back on my bed, Edward was balanced carefully over me.

"Edward?" This was different.

"Bella I….." His eyes bore into mine looking for some sign of reluctance he'd never find. He hesitated and when it looked like he was composing himself I swung my arms over his shoulders and buried my hands deep into the wild mess of his hair. I knew my trying to pull Edward down would be the equivalent of me trying to stop Tyler's truck by myself, impossible and embarrassing. Thankfully I didn't have to worry about either because as soon as my arms connected with his immortal flesh the composure dissolved and his lips met mine in another welcomed ravaging kiss.

* * *

Naughty naughty! But really would we want Edward any other way? Hehehe, okay so I have not yet decided the ending of this story. Really! I am just going with the flow. I have already written a few chapters ahead, of course they have nothing to do with the story till like chapter ten. Lol, yeah that's just how I work. Trust me though goooood stuff! I don't wanna give anything away so please keep reading and know that I really appreciate it!


	5. The problem with fabric

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter four- The problem with fabric

**"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."  
- William Shakespeare, **_**Romeo and Juliet**_

"Bella." He moaned in my mouth. His voice wrapped its self around my name so perfectly you would have thought it was invented simply so Edward Cullen could say it.

All of the dead end make out sessions had taught me a few useful things, things I used to my advantage to get some more moments of his arms around my waist and his lips on mine.

Useful fact one- Breathing heavily when ever his lips were parted as he kissed me made his hands tangle aimlessly in my hair.

Useful fact two- Biting his lower lip when he tried to pull back not only stopped him but made his kisses more passionate.

Useful fact three- When saying his name never say it any higher then a whisper and if possible say it directly into his ear adding as much breath into the words as possible. This would allow me enough time to undo a few of his shirt buttons, with enough time to run my fingers across his heaven sculpted chest before he gained any of his rule idled mind back.

Unfortunately no matter how often I used my useful facts or how well I had perfected them, I could never get my fingers close enough to his belt buckle to do any good before he would grab my wrist gently and groan about "the rules".

But these kisses were different, deeper; they held some secret meaning I couldn't understand until I felt Edwards shaking hand place it's self on my right breast. I gasped and my eyes flew open. He was staring at me with a look of embarrassment and self hate. He turned his head leaving my lips lonely, it wasn't until his hand started to leave that I awoke from my trance. I threw my hand over his trapping it to my breast.

I waited until he turned to look at me, he wouldn't meet my eyes, I didn't want him to think this was selfish, I wanted this too, probably more then he let himself realize. I watched him hoping my look was one of lust as much as his was one of conflict.

"Bella, I don't want to hurt you." He shifted so his hand was still in place, but his head was resting on the curve of my shoulder. Still keeping my hand over his I moved the other into his hair, stroking his soft waves comfortingly.

"We'll go slowly, okay?" I kissed his cheek and he turned to face me. The conflict of his decision was still in his eyes but it was over shadowed by the lust. I smiled into another passionate kiss.

I squeezed my hand over his, my hands laced over his reminded me of the way he had me dance at prom. I moved my hand guiding his to trace each soft curve of my breasts. I opened my eyes to watch his as I moved his fingers to my nipples and pinched them gently with his fingers under mine. His eyes shot open and I giggled at his expression. Slowly the look I had seen so often when we were in this situation melted into one of longing and realization.

"So long Bella." He breathed. "I waited for you so long." My heart was beating fast enough to keep us both alive.

When he found his rhythm I moved my hands to his back and watched in fascination as he watched his own hands moved slowly tracing each curve and line of my breast. He was so focused on the movements I wanted nothing more then to hear his thoughts. His eyes were fixed on his hands over my shirt. I laughed again as I recognized my shirt was still completely buttoned. He looked up in surprise; my laughter woke him from the teenage boy trance.

I wished I hadn't looked into his eyes; the golden pools that met my gaze seemed to shake me out of my confident state. I just seemed to come to grips with the very real fact that Edward's hands were on my chest and by the feel of his all to real manhood on my thigh he realized it too.

We lay there like that for a few moments just staring at each other as I came to grips with the severity of the situation. Edward Cullen god among men was straddling me Bella swan at four in the afternoon on my bed. Huh. I gook a deep shaking breath closed my eyes and thought only of him. The way his hands felt as they drifted from my chest down lower to my hips, the bone melting sighs he was supplying into my ears, the way his lips caressed my throat as if it was the most delicate of glass and the slightest breeze would break me.

I didn't want to be delicate or something to be worshiped from a far. That was one of the problems, one of the reasons we had never been able to get this far before and now that we were here I wasn't gonna waste the time with careful kisses and wanting caresses. I felt Edwards fingers slip under the hem of my blouse and took that moment to unbutton the first few button on my blouse, brushing the pale sun ignored skin underneath. I met his eyes and little by little unbuttoned each ivory button taking a pause between them to gage his reaction. He did nothing until the last button when the fabric, free of its restraint, fell away to expose my black lace bra Renee had gotten me after she had helped me pack to move. All of my old bras and panties were matching sets of white nameless fabric. This was all satin and lace with a little red bow just between the cleave or at least where the cleave is supposed to be. Edwards eyes left mine, trailing down my throat to the exposed cloth. His breath hitched as he took the little bow between his thumb and pointer finger.

He pulled the blouse off my shoulders with more intensity then required. His lower lip jutted out into an adorable childish pout as the easy silence was broken by the sound of the light fabric of my only formal shirt tearing from its seams.

"I liked that shirt." He muttered like a child looking with pity as the shredded remains.

"Then why did you kill it?" I joked. His expression changed from content lust to frightened self loathing faster then it took to breathe the words. Great, a years worth of work and leading no where kisses went up in smoke before my eyes. I went to wrap my arms around his back in comfort but by the time my arms reached where his back should have been he was half way across the room one hand on the window frame the other still holding the remains of my shirt.

"Wait!" I all but screamed. I jumped out of the bed too quickly, catching my ankle on the bed sheets I promised I would burn later, but sooner then I could even brace myself for the fall I was encased in Edwards's arms.

"I was an accident and it was just a shirt. They are replaceable, besides Alice has me swimming in them these days." The words tumbled from my lips before I could even recover fully from the rattling almost fall, I tried to keep my eyes on his but the lack of rules had my mind wandering lower down to his perfect lips even with the severity of his new mental crisis.

"Yes." His voice was ice, no it was ice covered in ice on the coldest recorded day of winter in Alaska. I shivered under it and he let his arms slip down my spine and away from me completely.

"Yes it was an accident and next time it won't be a shirt. It will be something so impossibly irreplaceable that the mere thought of….this." He gripped the shirt so tightly in his fist I worried he would set it on fire if he shifted his hand.

"Happening to..." His hand waved explanatorily in front of my face, it held there momentarily debating touching my blush incased cheek. I caught his hand at the same time he let it fall and turned to walk back to the window.

I brought his hand to my cheek and leaned into his touch. I sighed, fully irritated, then tried to figure how had this gone wrong in such a short amount of time.

"Edward." I glared into his self loathing eyes and forced the words I wish I didn't need into his overly dense head.

"It. Was. A. Shirt." I enunciated each word markedly while pocking him in the chest after each word.

"But…" He stroked my cheek with his thumb as he began to protest the truth.

"No." I said firmly. Before be could do, say or over think anything else I rushed forward and attacked his wanting lips. I felt him stiffen at the quickness at my movement or the way I completely disregarded the life and death severity of the situation I don't know, all I know is when I opened my mouth and ran my tongue along the edge of his lips he sighed. That tiny gesture had my fingers tangled in his hair, my legs wrapped around his waist and my virginity standing on the edge waiting graciously for a push.

"We'll be more careful?" He whimpered into my mouth.

"Mmhhmm." I agreed, not even bothering to open my eyes or really even hear the question. I was too lost in everything about him, the subtle yet over powering way his breath tasted of vanilla cake, warmth and honey cinnamon. Each touch of his skin against mine had my flesh in goose pimples.

"Slowly." He gasped before throwing himself into the kiss and forgetting everything but this one perfect moment.

* * *

Hello lovely readers! Sigh, i have been writing almost nonstop....on every chapter but the ones that i need. Lol, oh well it will pay off later im sure. Hope you enjoyed the newest chapter and i hope to update soon. Please review cause it makes me smile and i write faster when i smile! Thank you!


	6. Reluctant love

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter Five- Reluctant love

**First love is the sweetest. For it is the only love unspoiled by reality. **

**-Fortheloveofwriting**

When the earth shaking kiss ended I was left panting, melted into the perfect set of arms wrapped around my small form. Edwards's eyes were closed tightly, his breathing matched my quick pants, he was statue still except for the delicious circular movement of his thumbs on my hips.

I felt I couldn't do anything but stare repetitively down his body up to his face and down again, each moment that pasted seemed to bring with it a wave of reality, the only coherent thought in my head was EDWARD FRICKING CULLEN! This made me once again glad Edward couldn't hear my suddenly hormone driven teenage thoughts or I'd probably lose what ever bit of mystery and sophistication he saw in me.

The fact he was Edward Cullen didn't have the same meaning it would if Lauren or Jessica were in this situation. No, they would be gushing over his looks, money or the very shallow fact he was the most popular boy in forks high school. No my mind was melting under the fact I had this mans love because I knew him. I knew he was kind and protective of those he loved to a fault. He listened to music while he read and would some times alternate between singing along and mouthing the words he was reading. Piano was not just music but a way to express the emotions he couldn't share. He loved Esme and Carlisle more then most human children love there actual parents. He had his faults same as anyone, but the faults only made him real.

"Edward?" I ran one hand across his eyes rubbing gently at the lines carved into his skin at the edges by the intensity he had used to keep his eyes shut. I could _feel_ him worrying, each move of his hand or contented sigh had a group of tiny mental lawyers working over time in his head weighing the pro and cons of touching me. How can someone so insanely wonderful have such low self esteem?

I giggled at the thought and his eyes shot wide open. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

"Bella?" His breathing turned heavy, his eyes some how grew wider and I noticed then he wasn't looking at my face.

I followed his gaze down to my chest; my left bra strap had slid off my shoulder during our kiss. He ran his fingers over the impression the tight strap had left behind, we both gasped when his fingers reached the black silk cup. He watched me questioningly, his conflicted eyes begging for permission to continue.

All I could do was nod.

He slid his hand under the silk gliding over the smooth flesh of my left breast. He sighed happily then rested his head on my shoulder closing his eyes and allowing him self to explore my flesh.

I sat up slowly, careful not to disturb Edward's thoughtful ease, leaning on the bed post; I undid the bra clasps, each hook snapping louder then the last as if to remind me of what I was doing.

Edward didn't realize what I had done until the second strap slid off my shoulder and the silk cups holding me up dropped away leaving me metaphorically and literally naked in his arms.

Edward moved his hand, stopping to watch my expression each inch forward between us, to cover my breast completely with his large palm. His fingers danced back and forth lazily on my skin. He swallowed heavily, his Adams apple bobbed and he licked his lips sending a cold shiver of desire down my spine.

The silence in the room was deafening, maybe it was the fact I had never gone this far before or that Edward hadn't shut his eyes, looked away or moved since I removed my bra but every tiny sound that would have been lost to my human hearing before jumped out all around me. Each squeak of the bed when I shifted uncomfortably under Edwards gaze, my heavy panting, Edward's lack of breathing at all, but most of all the fragile human reminder of my roaring heart beat.

"Can I…kiss you?" I laughed at his innocent question and the suspicious pause.

"Of course." When did he have to ask? If I had my way the only time we wouldn't be kissing was during school and when Charlie felt it necessary to keep an eye on him. I have heard good things about home school over the computer and I am old enough to get my own apartment, but I'm sure his long lists of rules and Charlie's dislike for either half thought through scheme would get in the way of my 24/7 kissing idea.

He bent his head down; I closed my eyes waiting for the sweet taste of his lips on mine, only to have my eyes fly open when his open mouth touched wetly to my breast.

So I guess the question wasn't so innocent.

"Bella?" He whispered his mouth lifting only slightly from my breast so the words were audible. I lifted my heavy eye lids to meet his worried gaze.

"Breath please." His lips closed around my breast with the last word, his tongue brushing suggestively over my raised nipple. I filled my empty screaming lungs with a loud popping breath.

"Maybe we are going too quickly." He shifted his shoulders up, removed his mouth from my flesh and moved to turn away…..again.

"Edward if we were going any slower we would be moving backwards." I told him with a sharp humorless laugh.

My hand pressed kindly to his cheek as I tried to push all of my feelings into his skin.

I looked up at him from under my eye lashes, bating them in the must seductive way I could.

"Please?" I breathed, to anyone else it would have been inaudible, but I knew he heard me just fine.

The expression that met my eyes had me choking back laughter. I knew that look! Edward stared down at me fully dazzled. He just stared at me with a blank expression like he was completely lost in thought.

"Edwa.." His lips crashed to mine; the restraint he always kept close at hand disappeared, all that remained was a hundred so years of enduring self-control and the obvious yearning of a forever adolescent male.

My fingers rushed to his shirt buttons trying to take advantage of the sudden change in his mood. I carelessly pushed the designer cotton to the side and ran my hands over the smooth ridges of his well formed muscles. The contrast of coolness against my flushed skin had my stomach flipping in a nonstop rhythm with my thundering heart.

"Bella." He moaned into my mouth when my hand reached the waist of his jeans. His hand reached down to cover mine and I thought he was going to it remove it, to my surprise and awe-inspiring ecstasy his hand slide over mine to unbutton his jeans and effortlessly glide down the zipper with blinding speed all while kissing me with enough burning passion to melt me into the sheets.

A gaze into his love overflowing eyes was all it took to steady my confidence. I pushed my hand down past the elastic band of his silk boxers until my fingers brushed his throbbing manhood. He broke the kiss to hungrily suck on my neck, nipping every so lightly. I froze for a split second unsure of what to do. As always Edward understood. His hand in a flash was again covering mine, he moved my hand up to the tip of his penis and down slowly, squeezing lightly and moaning against my skin. Again he guided my hand up to the tip, then more rapidly then before brought my hand down. I moved quicker, pulling away from his hand and began moving with forged assurance. The gesture had Edward gasping for unneeded air.

I pulled my hand to the tip as he was showed me, a bit of moisture had pooled there. Out of curiosity I swiped my thumb across it with a flick. Edward's body shook over mine from the force of a hard contented grunt and I inwardly smiled at the blind success.

"Oh bella…Fuck...oh bella!" My shocked gasp morphed into nervous giggles. I had never seen him so uninhibited.

"Sorry..." He tried to get the words out but when my hand made another hard lap down his erection the words escaped him.

He took a shaky breath and gently grabbed my wrist stopping my movements before removing my hand from him altogether. I was about to voice my protest when he wrapped one stone arm around my waist using the other to gently cradle my head as he twisted our bodies so he was on top of me. In another blinding movement he kicked off his shoes then his pants and boxers left his body to soar across the room and onto my rocking chair with uncanny accuracy.

Edward placed his hands on either side of my head, trapping me under him in the best way possible. For a moment he only stared in my eyes, dazzling me in a new much more intense way. His eyes like always, pulled me in, but the loss of boundaries had the emotions he kept in check pouring out of him. The love, lust and unrestrained need covered me in warmth holding me in the moment and reminding me over and over it's us. It's just me and him this alone had my anxiety of what I was doing evaporate. Slowly his eyes moved from mine, trailing across my face to my exposed chest. Something about his gaze had my hands moving to cover my breasts. He chuckled and shook his head while gently removing my arms and placing them on the bed beside me.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." He sighed and bent to kiss me.

"Bella?" We froze.

"Bella? Honey are you home?" The voice was too close. I was reaching over the unmoving Edward for my bra when there was a hard knock at the door.

"Charlie?" I nearly screamed.

"Bella are you alright?" Charlie opened the door a crack and peered in as I pulled the covers over me up to my chin.

"Dad I can explain." I franticly choked out.

_How_ was I going to explain this? 'Oh dad I just skipped school to have sex with my boyfriend, you know no big deal.'

"Explain what Bella?" Charlie asked confused.

I swung my head around the empty room. Edward's clothes had disappeared along with their owner.

I forced a tight smile turning back to face Charlie as the butterflies in my stomach clamed.

"Um, I wasn't feeling well and left school early. I would have called you, but I just went straight to bed." I sighed. Well that wasn't exactly a lie.

"Should I call Alice?" He asked stepping over to feel my forehead. I pulled the covers tighter around myself. I wasn't sure how I would explain away the fact I was only wearing my jeans.

"Alice?"

"Yeah, she called the station to let me know you were going to a party at her house tonight. Do you want me to call her and let her know you're too sick?" Charlie spotted the open window and his brow furrowed. He shook his head and closed it. He took a step back to me before turning back to the window and locking it.

"It's too chilly for an open window." He muttered.

I giggled at the free pass that fell into my lap. I opened my mouth to tell Charlie to do just that when my pocket started to vibrate.

Carefully I pulled my phone out and flipped it open to read the text message.

'_Don't make me come tell Charlie what you were really up to Isabella Swan! You have forty minutes until I come and get you. Now tell him your fine!'-Alice a.k.a seer of all and punisher of party poopers._

"I'm just fine dad. No need to worry about me." He gave me a weird look at the frightened tone of my voice.

But he seemed to understand or didn't want to know because he just nodded and left.

I flopped back onto the pillows with a groan.

"Closet?" I asked my empty room.

A soft musical chuckle drifted from no where.

"Nope." The phantom voice whispered.

I looked around my small room while throwing the covers off and swinging my legs to the edge of the bed to stand up. There weren't many places for mythical creatures to hide in here. There was the closet and….

The moment my feet touched the floor a hand shot out from under my bed and caught my ankle.

My body tensed and I flopped back down to the bed gasping for air with my hand pressed against my chest trying to calm my heart.

"Not. Funny." I seethed.

Edward laughed and I turned to glare at him as he gently rocked back and forth on my rocking chair once again fully dressed.

"I am sorry love, but this is the first time I got to play the role of the monster under the bed." He smiled at his joke, but something pulled at his eyes. A soft reminder that monster was all he thought he could be.

"I much prefer the ones that go bump in the night." I looked up at him under my lashes, testing my new found power. In an instant he was standing in front of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling us together. He growled longingly, pressing his eyes closed and kissing my cheek chastely before turning his back to me.

"Edward?" I asked slightly hurt by the actions.

Without a word he leaned down to pick up my black bra that had fallen off the bed and handed it to me with his back still turned.

I gasped and snatched the bra from his grasp. I was still naked from the waist up!

I threw the bra on and scrambled for a shirt.

"There." I pulled the worn t-shirt down covering the full body blush while grumbling indignity.

He turned, swept me into a hug and chuckled sympathetically.

"Not that I mind your lack of clothing Bella." His eyes racked over the tight front of my shirt. I could feel my nipples hardening with desire against the tattered white cotton.

"It just makes it that much more difficult keeping m hands to my self." He demonstrated this by grabbing my ass with both hands and lifting me up to press against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist feeling the evident budge in his pants press firmly on my jeans.

"Who said you had too?" I leaned in to kiss him, but he placed me on my feet and stepped away.

"Alice." He answered coolly swinging his phone next to his face. The screen light up and a familiar melody met my ears. I would have to ask him later to make the lullaby he had written for me my ring tone too.

"Yes Alice. I know…..well seven messages is a bit much. No I don't think…(dramatic sigh)fine, I'll tell her." He snapped the phone shut, the plastic shook with the force and a small crack appeared on the phones side. He shrugged at my surprise before placing the phone back into his pocket.

"Tell me what?" I asked curious.

"She is threatening to tell you what will happen everyday for a year unless I come home now and help her set up." I pouted at the unpleasant thought of him leaving even if it was only for a few moments.

"I promise we will continue this later." He whispered breathily into my ear. I would have fallen, shocked by his sudden closeness, if it wasn't for the cool arms once again wrapped securely around my waist.

My eyes light up and my heart picked up speed; he was promising to…'go all the way' with me?

"You promise?" I questioned unconvinced.

"Yes." He nodded against my shoulder, kissing my collar bone once before stepping back and walking to the window.

"When?" I whimpered.

"Tonight…after the party." He laughed as my expression changed from grumpy child to one most likely resembling Alice when she goes shopping.

"Really?" I bounced over to kiss him again.

"Of course. I promise tonight." He unlocked and silently slide opened the window.

"You better keep the window closed for a while." He huffed.

I cocked my head to the side in question.

"Charlie is starting to wonder why it's always open. He is starting to price window bars."

My jaw dropped, I didn't know who to be annoyed at first but before I could say anything Edward leapt out the window and disappeared into the woods the velvety sound of snickering trailing behind him.

* * *

Hi ya people!

Is it weird that i quoted myself? Hmmm, well i couldn't find a quote that fit this chapter well enough. I am sooooo happy this chapter is done! Took me long enough right? Well this is the first time i have ever written a lemon. I was blushing the entire time. Sigh. Well let me know how it turned out. I will try to update soon. No promises though next chapter will be even tougher.....but worth it.

OH!!!!! I almost forgot. I just can't decided who Bella should end up with in the story so im letting you guys choose! There is a poll at the top of my profile. So please go there and vote! I will let you guys know before the poll closes.

As always please comment and feel free to ask any questions you might have! Much thanks!!!!!


	7. A perfect beginning

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter Six- A perfect beginning

**The dying process begins the minute we are born, but it accelerates during dinner parties. **

**~Carol Matthau**

The dress Alice had hidden in my back pack was breath taking. It reached just a few inches above my knees and fanned out softy at the hem. A bit of lace peaked out under the blue silk. The low rounded cut of the dress displayed the necklace perfectly not to mention the sudden cleave. I dressed almost immediately after Edward left. My hair was pulled up in a messy bun with some of the hair strategically pulled out and placed in random areas to frame my face. I had tried many hair styles before finally picking this one. Not of my own accord, Alice texted me every time I decided on a hair style. The text was always the same 'not that one'.

I had finally broken down and decided to call her when my phone rang. When I answered she had told me just what to do in such an annoyed tone I thought briefly about side braids. Of course she saw it and growled that if I even made one twist she would run full speed to my house and turn me into life size Barbie. So now here I was hair done and fully dressed up with an hour to spare.

I slipped on my new white ballet flats and skipped down the stairs. After cleaning the scraped knee I got from skipping down the stairs I headed to the kitchen to broil a steak dinner for Charlie.

"Feeling better then?" Charlie asked from behind his paper.

"Just fine dad." I lied. My stomach was doing a well choreographed back flip routine complete with butterflies and first love jitters. He promised and I was gonna make sure he keep it.

I placed Charlie's plate in front of him. I was turning to leave when Charlie reached across to the chair nearest him, lifted up and waved a book in the air.

A book? OH! My second love. I giggled to myself at remembering Edward's ridiculous jealousy. Still giggling I snatched it from a confused Charlie and raced up the stairs as carefully as possible.

I kicked the door closed behind me and jumped backwards onto my mattress. I thrust open the book taking another glance at the perfect dedication before flipping a few pages to the first chapter.

After what felt like only a minute or two my door flung open causing my little bubble of calm and secluded delight to burst. I jumped at the sound of the wood slamming loudly against the wall, on the way back down I must have shifted in the air because I missed the bed completely and tumbled on to the floor. I rolled over to my stomach which brought me face to face with a pair of shiny black leather heals. I glared as the over priced shoes gently nudged my shoulder.

"Oh come on," Alice whined. "I knocked."

"I didn't hear anything." I mumbled as Alice extended her hand to help me up.

"Well, I didn't say I knocked _now_." She laughed and twirled her finger in the air motioning me to spin around. The edges of the dress lifted up as I twirled, making me feel like a graceful dancer, that is until I clipped the toe of my shoe on the foot of the bed and fell head first to the floor. Alice caught me before I could reach it half way and brushed off the little bit of dress that had touched the floor.

She looked me up, down and over thoroughly checking the length and color, the stitching and the swoop of the neck line all while complementing herself on such a job well done.

When everything seemed to her satisfaction she nodded sharply and smiled.

"Well? What do you think?" She seemed only slightly interested in my response because she was fluttering around the room after she asked with her back to me.

"It's the most beautiful piece of clothing I have ever owned." I promised trying to complement her on her work while still trying to keep her head from swelling.

"If you let me take you shopping more often that wouldn't be the case." She told me matter of factly still facing her back to me as she shifted through some old cds on my desk.

I cringed, my mouth fell open and I was about to restart our never ending argument about shopping but my eyes flickered to my book lying open on the floor and all my anger seemed to evaporate.

"No yelling?" Alice looked shocked when she turned around to face me, blindly chucking the cd back onto the desk.

I shook my head and bent over to recover my book, I glanced through the yellowed pages until I came to the one I had been on when Alice interrupted. Most of my books were dog eared but this was too precious to do anything to so I rummaged through my desk looking for a book mark I owned that wasn't already shoved into one of the many books scattered around my room.

Something heavy fell on to my foot as I shuffled around. I looked down at my back pack Alice must have brought up with her. I opened it in hopes of better luck only to see my birthday card from the Cullen's sticking up. I took one last look at the picture then shoved it into the pages of my book.

Before I could put it on my shelf Alice squealed, loudly. I jumped and sooner than I could even catch my breath I was being pulled out of my room and down the stairs being lead by the hand by means of a scowling pixie.

"Alice?" She was practically glowing red and little growls and muttering curses slipped past her lips.

"Alice?" I called louder pulling back s best I could against her intimidating strength.

"If we don't get home in less then twelve minutes jasper and Emmett are going to make a very stupid bet." She growled through gritted teeth pulling me faster.

"And?" Jasper and Emmett were constantly making humanly impossible bets, almost always stupid in one form or another. It was such a normal occurrence that it was more surprising when a bet wasn't in progress.

"Emmett is going to bet jasper he can't eat a piece of your birthday cake. But when he goes to get a piece Emmett is going to throw him into it." Just talking about it seemed to make her anger grow. I had just enough time to slide the book, still gripped firmly in my hand, on to the first stair before I was pulled out of the door and buckled into Alice's car.

Even for a Cullen the speed was a bit extreme and the twenty minute drive took little less then six. Before we had even pulled out of the drive way I slammed my eyes shut, there was no way I would be able to keep my lunch if I even glanced at the road while Alice drove mad. Alice was out of the car and into the house before the engine was even fully off. I unbuckled myself with a deep sigh.

"Hello love." The charming figure breathed into my ear. I flew into the air and was out of the car wrapped in a warm embrace before my hand had left the buckle.

I leaned happily into his embrace gathering his sweet scent mixture of clean laundry and orange as deeply in my lung as I could bring it.

"How was your trip?" He teased. I glared up through my lashes at his much too innocent expression.

"Fine." I half heartedly sulked.

"You know," He said trying with little effort to hold back the laughter cracking his words. "Friends don't let friends drive mad."

I scowled, but the sound of his laughter pushed away the sour mood I was working on. He took my hand and led me into the house past a livid Alice standing by a whimpering Emmett and jasper to the couch where he pulled me down to sit with him.

"Happy birthday Bella." Jasper appeared in front of me and I jumped a bit in my seat.

He chucked and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I do forget you're human from time to time." He winked and returned to the kitchen, where I assume was where he had come from, at human speed for my benefit.

Emmett skipped down the stairs only seconds after jasper left. He came to sit in the chair closest to the sofa Edward and I occupied. He stared at us, me in particular, with evident surprise.

After too long I turned and glared at him.

"What Emmett?" I growled.

"I am just surprised to see you still alive. I heard Alice drove you here." He and Edward were both choking on laughter and I was hoping it hurt.

I maturely stuck my tongue at him.

"Yeah well it's your fault! She wouldn't have been so angry if you and jasper hadn't almost ruined the cake. You know how Alice gets when it comes to parties."

"We do try our best to rein her in, but Alice will be Alice." Esme walked out from the kitchen with jasper a step behind. Both were carrying a plate of food.

"Oh bella! You look wonderful!" Esme clasped her hands together staring at me with a sweet smile and loving eyes. Of course I blush and hide my face in Edwards's chest.

"Yeah, Bella you look really nice." I was taken back by Emmett's seriousness and the fact that Rosalie would make him regret his comment later. I snuck a look at him and smiled when he grinned like an idiot. He was just trying to make up for the fact I almost died in a fiery cake induced car crash thanks to him.

I look down at the beautiful mixture of silk and color.

"You think so Emmett?"

"Yeah, I think…"

"Don't hurt yourself!" Edward cut him off.

"Since when?" Alice seemed to stop what ever she had been doing just to join this conversation.

"Should I get you some ice for your head?" Jasper asked his face held nothing but concern.

Emmetts lips flapped trying to gather the right words together while his brow was furrowed in annoyance.

"Yeah well…shut up." He crossed his arms and beamed, very proud of his brilliant come back.

"Oh baby," Rosalie affectionately mocked from the top stair as she glided her model self down to us. "You are SO lucky I don't go for the brainy type."

"Yup, my baby prefers the hot musclely type." Emmet flexed said muscles in demonstration.

Jasper grumbled something about steroids and Alice made lady like gagging sounds.

Esme came out of the kitchen to inform us, well me, that dinner was ready. I headed to the dinning room, which had before my entrance into the Cullen family's life been used for meeting and family discussion, but both Alice and Edward restrained me by each grabbing an arm and more of less, slightly more, dragged me into large family room a little ways form the front door.

The television where we spent our Friday family nights had been carried away along with the entertainment system shelving and everything it held. In their places stood a large blue velvet covered table with a four tier cake, I assume was usually used for weddings, expensive weddings…..with a lot of guests….. guests who like pink icing flowers.

I rolled my eyes at the excessive birthday extremes Alice had gone too. No need to get upset.

Yeah good idea in theory, much harder to act on when my eyes landed on the ping pong sized table flooded with gifts, I mean it!, there were gifts on top of gifts ON top of gifts. Some looked like it had been wrapped by a professional and the rest looked like they had been too expensive to even bother removing them from the bag they had been placed in after purchase, as if hiding the brand name would diminish the value.

Deep breaths…really _really_ deep breaths.

"These…(deep breath)…are all for me?" My plastic smile was hard to believe as I spit the words through clenched teeth.

"Unless you know another Bella who's birthday is today." Emmett chuckled.

"I could find one." I hissed under my breath, but of course they all heard just fine.

"You'll do no such thing!" Alice stated matter of factly. She handed me a paper napkin with a few assorted finger foods. I took it with a less then grateful humph. She pulled me to the tables pointing out to me as I chewed which of the gifts were from her, of course that being most of them, and which belonged to the others. I wasn't surprised to see the gift from Emmett was large, placed next to the table because of its height and wrapped in multicolored rainbow wrapping paper or the gift from rose was a thick envelope making me wonder if she had simply shoved a handful of cash into a near by envelope before I got here.

My smiled relaxed to a somewhat sincere tug of my lips. Esme and Alice were practically shoving each other out of the way to get there gift to me first. They both shot daggers at Emmet as he took the opportunity to grab me out of their path and place me in front of the huge box.

I smiled at the big kid simply because his smile was so wide and full of glee I couldn't help it. I carefully removed a folded side of the paper, I even went as far as to scrap off the tape and pause to remove the small sliver I had missed. Emmett groaned, but allowed my pace….for about three seconds when I did the same tot the other side. I held my sides in laughter as he charged the large box, shredding the paper, sending it flying in every direction over our heads like rainbow flakes of snow.

The entire room seemed to be filled with laughter as the bright colored paper revealed an ever brighter box with the words family sized above ground pool printed in box letters.

"Emmett dear if you wanted a pool we could easily have had one installed." Esme told him sweetly.

"No no, look!" Emmett flipped the box on its side and pointed excitedly to a picture of the inflatable slide attachment.

"Thank you Emmett. It's great, really I love it." I wrapped my arms around his waist for a quick hug, but he had other ideas. His muscle covered arms wrapped around my waist and twirled me around the room. I was pulled as gently as possible from his grasp and place on the couch. Edward stood protectively in front of me.

"Here Bella." Alice handed me a small box, I opened the gift and proceeded to spend the next hour doing the same over and over. Esme had jasper and Emmett place all the gifts into my trunk after I saw and thanked the giver for each gift.

Jasper had given me a gift card to a few book stores I had never heard of, but he assured me I would love. Emmett's gifts all involved the pool which I promised to let him set up tomorrow. Alice of course did not listen to my begging and had gotten me enough clothes, jewelry and shoes to open a store with, plus deep blue scraps of cloth Alice called a bikini that Emmett proudly exclaimed he helped pick out. Edward hissed a vow he would be returning it while Emmett would be putting together the pool.

Esme and Carlisle had given me the most practical and welcomed gifts of a few savings bonds. They were the kind without numbers on them and I'm sure I glad I didn't know. I was right rose's gift was a wad of cash I handed to Edward almost as soon as it was opened. I smiled at rose and asked Edward to place the amount in my college fund as soon as possible. I didn't want to know how much rose had given me. It might make me wonder again how little money meant to them if rose was willing to cram an envelope full of hundreds for a person she didn't even like.

After the gifts were carried to Edwards Volvo we moved to the couch and watched a few home movies I was going to have to burn after while I ate a five star meals from an old wooden tv tray. Charlie was going to be making his own meals for a week for his hand in this! Edward was nearly falling out of his chair when my first steps came on the screen. Not that it was necessary for him, but Edward didn't blink once since Esme put the first video in the vcr. Esme cooed at my first birthday, while Rosalie snickered when I fell head first into the cake. Everyone oh'd and ah'd at my first dance class Renee had insisted on taping and the required hospital visit not ten minutes into the class when I had slipped breaking my hand on the balance bar. By my third birthday I was getting tired and my cheeks had never been redder. Emmett had made it his job to keep score of how many times I had fallen. He and jasper were auguring over whether or not each stair should count as an individual fall when the video flashed to the first time I had fallen down the stairs.

"Okay." I announced getting up and grabbing my coat from Alice's hands. "Time to go."

Edward and jasper were still glued to the home movies and hadn't heard a word. Emmett was still scribbling numbers down in his notebook.

"Alice, do you mind taking me home?" Alice giggled and took my arm leading me to the door. Before my hand touched the knob Edward stood blocking my path. He gave me an apologetic smile.

I gave everyone, except of course for Rosalie who had disappeared after handing me the envelop, a goodbye hug and thanked them again for each gift I could remember. Emmett and jasper were arguing over the correct amount of falls as the doors closed behind us and Edward helped me in to the car.

The drive home was met with a thick silence. Nervous smiles and sideway glances were exchanged. We both knew the sweet chaste kiss being chaperoned at the door was not the end of us tonight. Edward turned to meet my eyes before Charlie closed the door on our good night exchange with a suggestive glance to my window and a wink said everything. His promise would be kept.

Hello wonderful readers. I am very sorry for the wait but life gets in the way and such. I am happy to report this story will be finished i honestly have much too many chapters finished to be able to just give up. I may give you a sneak peak into a later chapter if you'd all like. :) I think you deserve it if you are still reading. And please vote on the poll if you haven't already. For a very long time it was tied and if it remains tied when i end the poll it means ya'll want bella to end up with mike newton. Thats not really what i was expecting, but who am i to argue? Lol, okay im going to go work on the next chapter now.

Please review and/or ask any questions about anything you might be confused on. Thanks a million times for reading!


	8. A Terrible Middle

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

HEY PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANNA BE READING LEMONS! YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS CHAPTER! ALL OTHER PROCEED!

Chapter six- A terrible middle

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

Pacing is an odd outlet for ones anxieties. The clichéd hands clasped behind your back as you nervously move around a room with no purpose. If anything pacing increases your nervousness. The pacing movement seems to almost help you worry faster and make time go impossibly slower.

But here I am, slowly wearing a path in the carpet of my room. It has been five minutes since I said good night to Charlie and six since Edward 'left'. This was normal, the only normal part of this day. Everyday Edward leaves, according to the rules of my curfew, drops off his car and runs back to my window in less time then it takes for me to finish changing into my pjs. Tonight I was still fully dressed from the party. The thought of taking off the dress had the butterflies turning into birds; the thought of changing into any night wear had the birds turning into cats, angry cats with razor sharp claws.

Okay this was silly, I was just driving my self crazy over nothing. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep calming breath that I swiftly choked on when a velvet voice called my name.

"Bella?" His hands worried over my skin as I choked and sputtered like an idiot. I coughed a few more times before swatting away his hands and smiling up at him.

"I'm fine. I'm fine, rea..." My smiled faltered when I saw the position his closeness and worried rush had put us in. One arm was wrapped around my waist the other had been placed gently on the center between my collar bone and throat where the fingers on said hand made lazy mind melting circles in a comforting manner.

"Bella?"

"Mmm fine." I lost the use of words when our eyes met.

His eyes searched mine, possibly for any fear and an excuse to postpone this adventure. With a soft nervous smile I pushed myself up on my tip toes and kissed his with every ounce of love, strength and acceptance I had. Next thing I knew my feet flew out from under me. I tried to reflexively turn to see what had happened but two strong hands held gently to my cheeks and refused to allow me to break the kiss. My hand searched the softness underneath me. He had carried or flown me to my bed. Comfortable with this fact I wrapped my arms around him and pushed my body up as best I could. He was on top of me, his body covering mine like a cold stone blanket cut in my shape.

I sighed as his tongue slipped past my lips. It could have been the sigh, the fact I whispered his name or that my heart beat in a frenzied state but one or all of theses things pushed Edward over the hovering edge of his firm grasp on his self control. I gasped as Edwards hand tore down the zipper holding my dress together. Edward had pulled his finger slowly done the fabric gently caressing the skin hidden behind it. His movement had been so smooth and quick the fabric had not even moved.

"Bella. Bella. Bella." His words kissed my name. Like a drowning man gasping for air. He stared in my eyes with so much love and passion it warmed every inch of my body until I felt nothing else.

I wanted to tell him of my love, but interrupting his words felt like interrupting a man in prayer.

Edward had torn off the zipper pulled the fabric down my arms reveling my bra and flushed skin. He ran each finger from my neck to my belly button individually. The pinky was last and its track down my body was the slowest. When it reached the edge of my dress it gripped the fabric and tugged. It was light as first, so much so that with the fevered kisses that had now moved to my throat I hadn't noticed it, but suddenly I feel cold air brushing over my bare legs and turned my head at the perfect time to see the tattered remains of the with out a doubt terribly expensive dress glide gently to the floor.

Cold gentle fingers gripped my cheek turning my attention back to the man kissing slowly down my collar bone. It was not the fingers on my face that held my attention; it was the one slowly tracing patterns on my inner thigh.

I arched my lower body involuntarily when those skillful fingers pulled them selves down the delicate white lace that covered the edges of my panties.

"…matching…." Edward chocked broken words between kissing and sucking down my throat. My matching bra shifted away from m breasts as the straps fell off my shoulders when he moved the fabric aside my breasts were in plain view waiting for the attention they had missed out on. He made his way down my body, he paused for a long second at the curve of my left breast. His tongue darted out between his lips and swept across the nipple of my breast. I gasped, my body felt like I hade been light on fire in a walk in freezer. The two wonderful sensations fought each other in my stomach as I tired to focus on the man watching my every emotion he knowingly caused.

"Edward." My hands clamped over my mouth muffled the scream his name had escaped as. This seemed to push him further into the lust he was already drowning in. His tongue took one last shy taste before his mouth engulfed my breast. He sucked gently, his teeth skimmed the flesh and a shiver of pleasure shook down and back up my spine. His eyes blazed adoration and pure love.

I closed my eyes, letting the feelings wash over me and carry the tiny amount of fear or hesitation I had left. I felt his wandering fingers push past the fabric of my underwear. They hesitated a few times before reaching the soft flesh of my women hood.

"Bella, open you eyes. I need to see you." I opened my eyes immediately; he was right looking into his eyes made this moment more wonderful.

"Gently, gently." He whispered to himself.

"So beautiful…everything I've wanted…how…so lucky." His words grew lower and lower until his lips moved silently the words lost in the quite air.

The air stilled around us as if our love for each other had created some ability to hold us together. Every breath burned my chest like the feeling when your eyes first meet with the person you love.

This stillness lasted forever and only a moment then was broken when Edward slipped a finger between my folds and the earth shattered. He was mumbling to himself unintelligently, his hand moving in unhurried tender pumping motions. My body was stiff and frozen from shock or pleasure I don't know. But this seemed to alarm Edward, his eyes grew wide and I feared he would take my behavior the wrong way. So I quickly looked into his sweet eyes and my body melted. I smiled a drunken grin up at him.

"Bella." He sighed my name, kissing my grin. He moved in a timed rhythm. It was obvious he was holding tight to his composure. I could feel the pleasure building in my stomach I fought it back, wanting just to stay like this, but a few moments later I was wrapped in my climax. He gathered me in his arms and held me as the tremors in my body slowed.

"Bella, i…" What ever he was going to say no longer seemed important when, in a moment of courage, I shoved my hand down his pants. Yeah, not the most romantic thing to do. The second I after my hand reached his….umm..man hood I fully realized what I had done. My cheeks were on fire, I closed my eyes in humiliation and I tried to pull my hand back out, but it was too late. I heard Edwards breath hitch, which made my cheeks burn hotter if that was possible. Edward pressed roughly on my arm making the possibility of removing my hand impossible.

I was thought I was going to get a lecture or the very least another talk about how we need to be careful, but instead Edward's seemed to be thinking with a different part of his body as his lower half thrust forward against my hand. It was surprising and a giant turn on. I opened my eyes and slowly, the same speed you'd use to escape a rattlesnake, I looked up at Edwards face. His eye lids were heavy, eyes almost hidden, but when he saw my eyes something flashed in his.

The silence the room had been bathed in was broken by a tearing sound. His jeans met the floor, I didn't have to look to be sure that's what the sound was since now I was staring at the out line of my bold fingers through Edward rather form fitting underpants. I moved my hand only slightly in a sort of check to be sure the hand with so much daring really was attached to me, the shy almost prude girl. The movement made his already hard manhood throb and stand at attention. Edward's hissed half breath half curse had a smile grow on my lips. I used the hand not in my boyfriend's pants to push on his shoulder trying in a futile attempt to roll him over onto his back. Thankfully he understood. In a blur of movement I was straddled on top of his thighs.

Comfortable with the new position my fingers danced against his silky skin hoping to bring him the same pleasure he had brought me. I traced the length of him before wrapping my fingers around and stroking him from base to tip. Like the first time I pulled my thumb across his tip he seemed to enjoy it just as much as before. I saw the hand not death gripping the bed sheets reach down for his underpants, most likely to ruin them and toss them to the clothing grave yard he had created on my floor. Instead I stopped his before he could reach the hem and carefully released him to use both my hands to lower his underpants off him.

Without the veil of underwear he sprung forward perfectly in view. I was at a loss of what to do, my shy nature seemed to reappear. Edward, thankfully, took over. He flipped us back to the original and my favorite position. With me on my back and him hovering menacingly over me I could feel the moisture between my legs turn into a puddle. He bent to kiss me, eyes still half closed, when suddenly his nostrils flared and eyes snapped open.

"Bella," He groaned. "I can smell you."

My legs pressed together in unconscious embarrassment.

"No sweetheart." Gently he ran a hand down my leg watching my face for a sign, his hand pushed my legs apart, just enough so my legs weren't touching. He kept his hand on my thigh rubbing soft circles moving closer and closer to my center with each twirl of his wrist. My hand fell away from his member as it suddenly needed to be somewhere else much more needing.

"Please." I whispered.

"I love you Bella." He told me catching my eyes again.

"I love you too Edward."

He aligned him self at my entrance and so slowly pushed into me. He held me to his chest with my arms wrapped carefully around him. He moved at the same pace his fingers had taken. I pushed my body up to meet his thrusts. I wanted, needed him deeper. I wanted everything from him.

"F-faster." I begged.

"Bella.."

"Please." I bit my lip, an unfair tactic im sure, but the result was a groan and a deep fast thrust. I felt the shoot of pain, the proof I had given him everything. I froze for only a moment trying to push past the pain. Edward stopped at the moment I froze.

"Bella? Are you all right? Should I stop?" The terror in his voice was almost funny.

"No! Keep going. Just keep going."

We moved together after that. Each one of his thrust was meet with my body pushing harder into it. He kissed every inch of skin he could reach while whispering loving muttered words. I felt my orgasm building, I didn't know what to do in this situation. Did I say something or..

"Bella, I'm so close. So.." Okay that was hot.

His lips meet mine and I felt my ecstasy engulf my mind. Edward followed me, I felt as his release pump into me. Edward collapsed onto his arms keeping his weight off me almost entirely. With one arm holding his weight he used the other to brush the hair off my forehead.

"My Bella." He whispered into my ear.

I could stay this way forever.

"Bella are you still awake?" Charlie called from outside my door.

I jumped crashing against Edward and went tumbling off the bed or I would have if Edward hadn't successfully grabbed my arm. We both heard the snapping sound of my upper arm. We both saw the chip of bone that had pierced through my skin. We both smelled my blood dripping out of the punctured skin. We both felt the earth shift as the greatest fear Edward had even worried himself over stared us in the face, screaming. We knew all of this with perfect clarity but still neither of us could have known what would come next.

*sobs uncontrollably* I finally finished it! I feel so bad it took so long. I have been working crazy hours to save up for school! Unfortunate but necessary. As always please comment/ask questions. I love the attention! LOL, thank ya'll so much for sticking with me! I have the next few chapters half way, if not completely, done. Bye for now!


	9. Not quite the end

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter eight- Not quite the end

Love is much like a wild rose,  
beautiful and calm,  
but willing to draw blood  
in its defense. ~ Mark Overby

People say that repetitiveness is a calming thing. Doing something repetitively makes for a relaxing time, like chopping vegetables or washing dishes. If I had been chopping vegetables the same amount of time I'd been sitting in hospital rooms I would be a head chief by now. Even after all that time there was nothing relaxing about sitting in a backless paper gown on a cold noisy paper lined bed. My arm was set and wrapped in a light blue cast. I twisted my arm in the light of the humming hospital over heads. I wanted my jacket or some long sleeved garment so I could hide my arm away like it would disappear and everything would be fine again.

Charlie paced out side the room, I could see him pass by the tiny wired circular window. Once or twice he had looked in but each time he seemed to get more and more upset or disgruntled. I had convinced him that I had started when I heard him call outside my door. I had fallen ff my bed and slammed my arm onto the bed side table. When he entered my room it had been void of anyone but me in a wrinkled nightgown. A book had been placed near me as proof of the quickly conceived story that I had been up reading. I knew Charlie knew something was a miss, but I held firm to my story and he didn't have enough evidence to accuse me of anything.

I sat on the medical bed swinging my legs waiting for the doctor to come back so I could leave. The metal of the door hinge clicked against the door frame.

"Can I go now Dr. Murp….." Carlsile shut the door behind him and turned to face me with wary sad eyes.

"Oh Bella." He took my broken arm in both his hands and patted the edge where my fingers peeked out.

"Poor Bella." He sighed.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I got here as quickly as I could after Edward told me, but I couldn't get to your room. Dr. Murphy has a bit f a god complex I'm afraid and once he admits a patient he is unwilling to let anyone but himself see to them. Fortunately Esme insisted on coming along and as much as I hate it Dr. Murphy has always had strong if not inappropriate feelings for her." He glared at the chart in his hands either at the thought of sweet Esme in the same vicinity as the lusty doctor or the illegible hand writing scrabbled across the paper, I couldn't tell.

"They explained you must wear the cast for ten weeks? It is usually six, but the break is severe and I don't want to take any chances. You know you can't get the cast wet and you must take your medication." He rattled off the doctor list and I nodded or commented where and when it was appropriate. I couldn't pay attention after he had mentioned bringing Esme, the only thought that held my attention was the possibility that Esme had not been alone.

Edward had said nothing when he left. He helped me into the night gown, placed the book near me, dented the bedside table and dressed in less time then Charlie could have reached for the door handle. He told me what to say and how to act then as if he had never been there at all he was gone.

"He's here Bella. He's beside himself because of what he…for what happened." My neck nearly broke when I whipped my head up to meet a tense Carlisle.

"He and Alice are waiting for you in my office. No one is suppose to know about your injury yet since Charlie hasn't told anyone so it would be odd if Edward was in the waiting room." I nodded; there was something he wasn't telling me. Carlisle looked everywhere but my eyes, I could tell he wanted to get out of the room as badly as I did.

"Soooo…we're good then?" I asked jumping off the table. I moved behind the curtain divider and changed into my tank top and jeans that Charlie had grabbed for me on my way to the car.

"Yes Bella, just follow the instructions as best you can and your arm should be fine in no time." I hugged Carlisle on the way to the door. He hugged back with the kind warmth of a father figure I always felt around him.

As soon as I got out the door I was in the arms of the warm mother figure. Esme mother hened me all the way to Carlisle office. She fussed over my arm, then the fact I had no jacket, moving onto how tired I must be and finished perfectly with the ultimate mother question of are you hungry.

Carlisle ushered her away so I could finally get to Edward. It seemed t be my goal since the first day I saw him. I wanted to make sure he didn't blame himself for the accident.

"Your being an idiot Edward!" Alice's blaring sentence leaked through the closed office door.

"You have no say in this Alice." Edward's voice was mellow and muted. A shiver ran down my spine, something was wrong, very wrong.

"You're out of your mind! You think this will fix anything? This will kill you, will kill you both." Alice's voice was lower then a scream but still louder then normal talking should be. Her tone was angry and hard, like words weren't enough and all she wanted to scream or hit someone.

"I've made my decision." His words were finial, concrete and the end of what ever they had been fighting about.

"I know, I see that, but I won't stand around and watch this. You will clean up your own mess when this ridiculous plan falls apart and trust me it will." Alice tore open the door almost literally as one of the hinges popped. She froze with an infuriated wide eyed expression. I tried to smile but if the look on her face told me anything the world was ending, or mine was anyway.

"Bella I….so sorry." She placed a hand sympathetically on my cheek trying to tell me something but before anything more could pass between us she was gone in a blur of color.

I just stood there in the brightly light hospital hall way. The obvious tension was making my stomach ach. I looked in to Carlisle's darkened doctor's office, the only light in the room dripped through the open window. The sun was just rising as it had just turned four am.

"Edward?" My voice rippled through the room. I knew he sat somewhere in the dark room but my greeting received no answer.

It wasn't until I moved to enter the room that he spoke.

"No, stay where you are…please." His voice remained the same as when he had spoken to Alice. Cold, calm and emotionless, it was as if he'd shut down. It was strange and horrifying.

"Be..bell…., we're leaving."

"Leaving?" I asked hoping for an understandable explanation.

"I can't be with you anymore." The words bounced around my heart, chipping pieces off as it went.

"Edward what happened wasn't you fault. It..it was just an accident. A stupid accident." I stepped closer to the darkness, my toe clipped the door frame.

"Look." I held up my cast knowing he would be able to see it just fine in the dark. "See im fixable. I tried to smile, my lips refused to obey me.

"..time." He mumbled.

"What?"

"This time! This time! But what about the next stupid accident? Next time when I break your neck when I try to kiss you or your spine when I embrace you?" Some thing clattered to the floor as he screamed the words.

"That wont happen." I told him confidently.

"I broke you arm. I could just as easily have killed you. Your bones are the same resilience as a spaghetti noodle in my hands. We were diluting our selves to think this would work. I am tried of always having to hold back. Having to be chaste when I kiss you or gentle when I touch you. I need someone like me. I need someone…better."

"You…your lying. Your trying to get me to hate you. I wont, I can't Edward! I love you too much to blame you. You shouldn't blame yourself."

"But I don't" I searched the room wanting to see his face. I knew if I did I would see the blame on his features. I would know this act was to ease his irrational conscience.

"Well it seems like you blame yourself. I mean look at…"

"No bella, I don't love you."

His words hung in the air. The words were simple with no way of confusing the meaning. Sharp stinging words cut through me. I couldn't breath. I couldn't speak. I couldn't…..just couldn't.

'Edward you can't be…" My words were cut off by bitter bile filled words.

"We are not right for each other. What we had was just a passing fancy. I realize that now. This whole breakable thing is just too much trouble. I apologize that you thought it something more. I'm…my family and I are going to leave forks. You will never see us again. You can start over and live a normal human life. Just forget about me because as soon as I leave this town I will forget you. It will be as if we never meet as if I don't exist." He appeared at the door. I wanted to hit him or accuse him of lying again but I couldn't move, my head was tilted to the floor, my eyes locked with the clean white linoleum. I felt his lips press to my forehead and then as he promised he was gone as of he had never been there to begin with. The darkness of the office spread out around me in my vision, engulfing me until I could see nothing but black empty darkness. I felt my body slam against the floor and the sound of running foot steps and panicked yelling. But it was too late to save me, my heart had been ripped out of my chest, everything I thought to be true has been torn to shreds and revealed as a lie, there was nothing left to save.

_SUP! hello kind people of fanfiction! I updated much sooner then usual right? Yeah i was stuck with no interweb for a whole week and did almost nothing but write! So as always please review/ask any questions you may have. Just a reminder i have a **who should bella choose poll. **Soooooo if you want bella to chose edward go and pick edward. If you want bella to choose Jacob go and choose Jacob. And if your tried of both you can go and choose that she chooses neither! YOU HAVE THE POWER! I have decided also if i reach 150 comments before i end the poll i will write an ending for each jacob/edward/neither. Bye till next time!  
_


	10. The truth will set you free or kill you

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter nine- The truth will set you free or kill you

A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~T.E. Kalem

My heavy lids fought against me as I struggled to wake up. I was shocked to find myself lying fully clothed on my bed. How did I get here?

A remembrance so horrifying and painful slammed in my thoughts like a rubber band pulled back to full force I fell back to my pillows. My breathing sped up on its own accord as I tried to place the memory. Edward and I making love. Edward breaking my arm. The hospital. Alice and Edward fighting. Edward telling me something…..telling me goodbye. Edward walking away.

My eyes grew blurry as I shook my head vigorously trying to clear what had to be a nightmare. My lungs burned as the air whooshed in and out too fast for them to even register the presence. No, it was just a dream. My breathing slowed and I choked on a laugh. I stood shakily searching for my phone.

I just needed to talk to Edward. I would tell him about the dream, he would tell me I was being silly and he would come over and lay with me until I feel asleep.

Everything will be fine I chanted. Everything will be fine, I flipped open the silver phone and pressed madly down on the first speed dial button. Everything will be fine, the phone rang twice, then there was a loud beep followed by the recorded message of a tired woman explaining the phone had been disconnected.

I didn't realize the phone had fallen through my fingers until the ominous thump rang through the room.

It was just a coincidence, something we will laugh about later. Emmett probably wanted to see what the insides of his phone looked like again.

This dream was just too vivid, the smells of scrubbed floors and salty copper blood at the hospital, the cracking sound of my arm was too accurate, the sickening words floating out of a pitch black room had my body shuddering in the horror of it. I lifted my hands to my face as the tears made their first appearance. Something hard smacked my forehead where my hand should have been. A sob ripped through me as my eyes fell upon a blue cast.

The world fell apart then, everything was real. He had left me. It was true, it was all real. The dark swept forward from the shadows, my knees gave out uselessly as the darkness pulled me back under.

HEY! Hows this for updating soon! I know the chapter is short but i will update soon and i felt this was the perfect size for this chapter. I wanna thank those who updated and pretty much convinced me to buckle down and write this chapter so soon. Your comments made me laugh crazy loud! Thank you for reading and for the great reviews! Please comment/ask any questions you may have. And please don't forget about the **poll**. If you'd like to give any suggestions of things you like to see in the story please let me know. I can't guarantee i'll use them all, but i know i would love the chance to give my ideas for stories and i thought i could at least give that chance. Bye till next time.


	11. Love is the slowest form of suicide

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter ten- Love is the slowest form of suicide

"The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you."-_Anonymous_

_"Bella? Baby you've got to get up. Please Bella, you need to get up." Charlie pleaded with me for the numberless time. He kneeled by my head holding my non broken arm. His voice cracked with pain when he talked to me know. No matter what he said I could hear the way he was hurting. He stared at me while I stared at the ceiling. I couldn't care about his pain right now, I was too busy drowning in mine. He took the untouched plate off food away and with a sad look back at me he left me alone again._

_But that's how I liked it now. Alone in the darkness. _Darkness is nice. Darkness is comforting. Darkness covered everything. It doesn't discriminate like the sun does. The sun shines on what it wants leaving shadows to show the grass under a tree or the dirt beneath a rock it wasn't good enough to have the warmth. The grass knows that to be ignored by the sun long enough means its death, but the sun doesn't care. Cruel spiteful glowing orb, he had been my sun. He had shone on me and had cleared away the darkness. He had convinced me the dark was bad; monsters could hide in the dark. But now I knew monsters preferred the sun and the darkness is nothing to fear. Darkness is nice. Darkness is comforting.

I lay in my bed staring into the darkness. I knew with out looking at my clock the sun would come out soon to take my lovely darkness from me. I sneered at the stupid cruel sun and whispered "Curtain's. Take that."

I don't know how long I've been in bed. I don't really care. Charlie would check on me in disorganized increments. I remember there being food shoved into my face at different times, but I neither remember what the food was or actually eating any of it. I looked down at the pajamas someone must have dressed me in. I closed my eyes and held my breath until I felt the sharp ache in my chest the nuisance that told me the offensive truth, I was still alive.

In the total silence I marveled at the loyal beating sound of my heart. I had placed my hand over the spot where it hide in my sunken chest at the point where it hit the hardest. Each thump was an unexplainable phenomenon, there was nothing there. My heart was gone. So when would the phantom beating stop? Well, not all gone, when he had left me in the hospital he had ripped it from my chest with a tug of his razor-sharp words. Unfortunately it had not been a clean cut I could still feel the tiny pieces he had left behind, the little scraps that had faithfully clung to my torn apart chest. I didn't understand why? A drop of water could never quench a dehydrated man. A scrap of bread would never feed a starving man. And the minuscule remainders of a broken heart could never love again.

The tears I fought naively against poured down my cheeks, my eyes were so dry from the consent flow of my liquid sorrow the water felt more like acid then tears. I scrubbed my already raw skin viciously with the back of my hand. When would the pain stop? How could someone with such little lingering heart feel so much pain? Did he leave behind the hopeless pieces just to hurt me even more? Now that I wasn't good enough for him he didn't want me to be good enough for anyone? Unable to ever love anyone in any possible way for the rest of my pitiful human life.

The thought had me chocking on wicked laughter. He didn't even care about me that much. He wanted me to move on. He wanted me to find someone of my status, someone like mike. Someone uninteresting, unimportant, someone who would never do anything of any real significance. I would grow old and die and no one would remember me for anything more then I had once been loved by the amazing Edward Cullen, but they would be wrong. He didn't love me, he never did. I was just a convenient play thing with cool accessories that he understandably grew bored of and tossed away to eagerly find something new to amuse himself with.

I sighed a bleak smile touched my lips as thinking his name pushed my weary mind over the edge and the exhaustion finally found then thrust me into a new brilliant long-awaited darkness.

I UPDATED AGAIN! I finished this chapter almost the same time i finished the last and the next chapter is pretty much done! I am wearing my keyboard out! lol! I felt so bad for leaving the story for so long and i forgot how much i love this story! So most likely another update soon. Please don't forget about the **Who should Bella choose poll**. What's going on Jacob lovers? Edward is burning up the poll! I'm not sure how many chapters this story will be so i can't be sure when i will close the poll. So please vote and remember if i reach 150 comments before the poll ends i will write an ending for each choice! Thank you for reading! Please comment or ask any questions you may have! Bye till next time!


	12. Not the only one still living

I OWN NOTHING! ALL THE CHARACTERS AND SUCH ARE THE GENIUS OF STEPHENIE MEYERS!

Chapter eleven- Not the only one still living

"Numbing the pain for a while will only make it hurt more when you finally feel it."

-J.K Rowling

Something heavy slammed onto the bed next to my leg sending a shudder through the mattress waking me from my sleep. I nudged the suitcase with my knee and turned a sleepy eye to Charlie standing over me with his hands balled at his side.

"I can't do this anymore Bella." I rolled over, my back to him.

"Baby your going back to your mothers. Maybe...maybe she'll be better for you. I don't know what to do, I just don't. Edward….."

A choked sob cut through me causing Charlie's stern words to become quit and once again taking on the pleading desperate tone as I was now used to.

"Bella I've done everything I could think of. I've read every book I could find, I talked to other parents and god knows the doctors didn't do a damned thing but try and pump you full of medication that will do nothing more then turn you into a walking zombie. Bella you don't eat and what ever I force down your throat you just throw back up. It's been a month since that bastard left. You only leave this bed to go to school and we both know you're no different there. I can't even think about the nightmares." By the end he was screaming, I pulled the covers tighter around myself when he mentioned the nightmares.

Every time I shut my eyes it was the same just him walking away. Each time I closed my eyes he would turn and walk away again. Each time I would hurt as much as the first, it was almost worse, I still didn't do anything to stop him. Even in my dreams I was a stupid coward who stood by and let myself get played with like a cheap toy.

I didn't want to fight Charlie, I knew my behavior hurt him, it hurt everyone. I just couldn't get up and be happy people pleasing Bella right now. I just couldn't…the bed jumped as Charlie sat next to me. His back was pressed to mine; I could feel shudders run through him but nothing else. After a few minutes I shifted towards him. His hands were pressed to his eyes but the fact was plain, my father the strongest man I knew was crying. He was crying over me.

And that's all it took, to know just how deeply my stupid broken heart was hurting my father like edw… like he hurt me. I slowly kicked the blanket off of me and stood still for a moment thinking my next step. I walked to my door; my legs wavered with each step. When I reached the door I turned back at an visibly shocked Charlie.

"I'm going to take a shower okay dad?" My voice cracked with strain. My throat was on fire from lack of food or water and the fact I threw up after each meal without fail.

"Ahh…sure." Charlie nodded and met me at the door. He walked behind me as I walked to the bathroom weather it was to catch me if my malnourished body failed or to keep up with the doctors recommended suicide watch I wasn't sure, but either way my speaking and the fact I got up by myself seemed to please him.

"What do you want for dinner dad?" I stopped at the bathroom to ask the only question my exhausted mind could think of.

"I think we have some fish and frozen fries. That okay? I could run out and get some grocery's. I haven't really been keeping up with the shopping." I had watched everything around me from my bed, but it wasn't until that second that I realized when my life stopped at the hospital so had Charlie's. He had been at home with me until I left for school and was always home before I got back. He never went fishing anymore and I can't remember a minute he wasn't by my bed or at least in hearing distance since the night we got back from the hospitial.

Even with the door shut behind me and the shower on I knew that Charlie was pacing outside the bathroom door. A shadow would pass under the door frame. I sat on the toilet and watched my fathers shadow move back and forth on the other side of the door. The steam filled that room, I let the hot air burn my lungs and let the tears fall. I tried to wait until Charlie went asleep at night to cry, I had put him through enough, but trying be normal even for just a few minutes had the tears falling.

I gulped down a lung full of air, I had been weak and broken for a month, I didn't know how long it would take to repair myself. I didn't know if I was even fixable, but I did know Charlie wouldn't suffer through watching this pity parade anymore. No matter how much pain I was struggling with he wouldn't see it. No one would.

With this imperative promise to myself I got off the toilet took off the night gown I had been dressed in for how long I didn't know. I dropped the garment on to the floor and turned for the hot relief awaiting me in the shower. I caught a glimpse of a woman out of the corner of my eye. I turned to her and our eyes meet. Her eyes were empty; the deep brown everyone said was her most striking feature seemed to fade into a lifeless gray, shallow, with no emotions or hope. Her soul had been torn out, you can see it in the eyes. Her lips were cranked from lack of water or use. Blood had dried in sporadic places where her teeth had been pushed too hard against the flesh. Her hair had been forgotten or simply ignored. It had been weeks since a hair brush and days since it had seen shampoo or hot water, not counting the tears that had rolled of her pale cheeks to rest in the tangled mess of brown waves. Her clothes were wrinkled and hung off her malnourished body like a warning ad for eating disorders. I turned way from the mirror. What do I care, why should I care?

_I hope ya'll like this chapter. I'm not sure, i feel like bella's emotions are all over the place, but then again they should be right! Well i hope YOU GUYS liked it. I will try to keep this writing pace. I am so happy to be posting again. I will try to keep up with the other story also but i seem to be having writers block with that one. Please leave me any comments/questions you might have or just tell me something you'd like to see in the story._

Now for your enjoyment a conversation i had with myself over next chapter.

**'When is Jacob going to make his muscly entrance into the story?'**

**'It can't be next chapter'**

**'Why not?'**

**'Next chapter bella has to face her class mates and pretend to be better.'**

**'Why can't jacob just be in the last sentence or something.'**

**'What could he possibly do in the last sentence that would be so important?'**

**'Be shirtless.'**

_So yeah Jacob will be in the next chapter! lol, bye till next time!_


End file.
